Morgellons: The Disease that Doesn't Exist, But Does.

WARNING: Below: Graphic pictures of ugliness.

If you think you have Morgellons Disease, Morgellons Disease: A Crime of Silence. The CDC gets involved... to kill further research! is a must read!

Normally, I'm a very private person. I don't like writing about personal matters; therefore I'd strongly prefer not to write about this, but since I can do so anonymously, I will. Who knows? Maybe - in the same way that reading other people's diaries, blogs, forums, as I did - it will help someone else who is suffering from the same thing.

I never stopped during my twenties and thirties.  I felt good.  I felt inspired. I kept busy from early morning to late at night. 

In my early thirties, I fell in love with gardening. I lived outside, in the soil, digging, planting, designing... life was good. What I didn't realize was that I was in the process of setting myself up for a huge fall.   Who knew gardening could be so dangerous?

It all started going downhill, right around my 40th birthday. I didn't feel well. I wasn't inspired. Something was wrong, but I had no idea what. I lost my job. My marriage started falling apart, and in 2006, my husband left me, and my three children.

Just prior to his leaving, I had started the process of finding out what's wrong with me. Doctors thought I might have Multiple Sclerosis based on my symptoms and MRIs, which showed demyelination, a degenerative process that erodes away the myelin sheath that normally protects nerve fibers. However, after seeing doctor after doctor, and after getting test after test, all the while going through a divorce, losing another job because I didn't have the dexterity or mental clarity to perform, I gave up on trying to get a diagnosis, and resigned myself to living in limbo, on all fronts.

Fast forward to June, 2010, an odd-looking and extraordinarily itchy rash started on the insteps of both feet, and around the outside of my elbow region. I went to the doctor, who said it looked like "Ringworm", but not really, so he prescribed some ointment and steroids. It did not help at all. Prior to the outbreak on my feet and arms, since 2007, I did get stubborn rashes that appeared on my face and neck. I assume now, that it may have been Morgellons, but I'm not sure.

Today, the rash is even worse. After spending numerous hours on the Internet, and comparing what I saw under the microscope to all the pictures of tangled colored threads embedded in my skin, not to mention, extremely odd things that sometimes emerge, I now know I have Morgellon's Disease and possibly, **Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, as I have discovered some of my more unusual symptoms are experienced by people with Myalgic Enchphalomyelitis, another strange disease.

In early February I decided I should take some pictures. My children think I've lost my mind, and treat me like a leper, most of the time, lol. And although I do miss my ex-husband, I'm glad he's not here to witness what I've become. I feel like a creature from a horror movie most of the time.  I have very little pride left.  So, as long as I can stay anonymous, I'm going to suck it up and chronicle and/or display my disgusting lesions (full-sized versions located on IMAGES page).

Symptoms:

Sometimes it's hard to articulate what's wrong. At least for me, it is. So I found a list of someone else's symptoms on the web, who had very similar ones to mine. I copied her list, and then tweaked it, eliminating what I have not experienced and adding what I do experience.

Anyway, my tolerances and abilities are about at 30-50% what they used to be, and that’s on a good day.
My symptoms (gets a little better as day progresses into night, but not much):

Stumbling/balance issues.

Severe Fatigue: Never able to maintain pre-illness activity levels even on “good” days which are rare and getting rarer.

When active beyond my usual level, I profoundly sweat. Previously, no matter how active I was, I rarely perspired.

Muscle weakness (feels like I'm going to tear my muscles when using them for very simple tasks)

Pain throughout my body -- achy/crampy pain. Pain prevalent especially getting out of my car or getting up.

Shortness of breath (upon exertion)

Tightness in abdominal area. If I stand up against a wall and stretch my arms up, latching on to something and allowing my body to fall forward it relieves this feeling.

Very itchy rash outside of wrists, elbows, shoulders and top of feet since June 2010.

Numbness and tingling of extremities
Proprioception (unconscious awareness of the position of one's body) difficulties

Myoclonus sudden shock-like twitching of muscles; irregular involuntary contraction of a muscles. 

Difficulty with simultaneous processing

Terrible anxiety over everything...and I mean everything.

Total meltdown every time I engage in physical activity that involves steps or a lot of physical movement.

Startle very easily;  I experience flashes of pain throughout my entire body.

When I lie down at night, I hear loud bursts of singing, lots of people talking, and other loud noises out of nowhere.

Some involuntary jerking/tremor of muscles

Feeling tongue tied (know what I want to say but can't seem to get my brain to work with my mouth to get it out)

Difficulty grasping small things especially. (ex. change, money)

Memory issues

Heart burn (acid reflux) when I never had problems with that before.

Brain fog (just not being able to get my head above the clouds type feeling)

Difficulty writing....either due to tremor,  inability to grasp pencil or lack of concentration. (varies in severity)
Dizziness (varies in severity)

Hand/arm/leg/foot swelling

Heavy feeling of extremities

Lack of coordination/dexterity

Slowness of thoughts/speech. Often experience broken speech

Foot drop and/or taking smaller steps than usual (shuffling of feet)

Sensitive temples, especially left side.

Night sweats (I used to wake up a few times per night soaked…now, especially after rash started, I  rarely, if ever, get night sweats)

Some things I've found that seem to help the itching.

Soaking in detergent, bleach and water seems to make less itchy.
Soaking in epsom salts and hot water.
Mechanical massager helps with the itching.
Burying my feet and ankles in snow, ice cold water, etc

**SPECT scans have demonstrated decreased cerebral blood flow most frequently in the frontal, parietal, temporal, occipital and brain stem areas of the brain. These abnormalities have also been shown to correlate with clinical status. Dr Byron Hyde adds that, ‘I do not describe a patient as having Myalgic Encephalomyelitis unless there is an abnormal SPECT. If the SPECT is normal, I often repeat it along with xenon SPECT.

Transgenetically Tagged?

The role of genetic engineering in the aetiology of Morgellans disease via Agrobacterium.

Since Chromobacterium Violaceum, which produces violacein, has been found in Morgellons skin lesions, along with the biofilm, it seems a no-brainer that this is why Morgellons Disease resists healing and, in fact, spreads so rapidly.

Don't forget that the proteins of Chromobacterium Violaceum were apparently tagged to fluoresce by some trans-genetic laboratory. The complete genome of this bacterium was published in 2003. This implies that they were intentionally included in this witches brew!